As Good As It Gets

easing the ache of uncertainty

There’s a scene in this exquisitely entertaining movie – in fact, it’s where the title comes from - when Melvin Udall, a man suffering from OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), and brilliantly played by Jack Nicholson, walks through the lobby of his psychiatrist’s office after creating quite a scene because he can’t be seen immediately and shouts at the other patients who are there hoping for help and improvement as well, What if this is as good as it gets?!

Last week I experienced a reminder that life in my body is a roller coaster. I’ve been doing very well for a while now, making steady incremental progress in my strength and stamina, practicing techniques that help regulate my central nervous system. But health and wellness and improvement are not stable qualities at this point in life. And so when I had a flagrant flareup that made me really uncomfortable and drained my energy I felt like it was some kind of setback.

Is this going to be as good as it gets? Am I relapsing now?

We live in a culture that worships wellness. We celebrate great athletic achievement and octogenarians who look 40 years younger. There’s a lot of money being made on drugs and supplements and techniques to help us live longer and look better. We are offered astonishing medical advances, and thankfully so.

So when find ourselves unable to achieve these cultural ideals, we often feel like failures. It’s very scary not to know what’s going to happen next. It’s very unnerving to realize there may be no solution for what you are experiencing. The voices of worry and fear rise and threaten to dominate your thoughts and expectations. Life becomes quite grim.

It often helps if you are informed by one of the world religions that marks seasons of reflection like Lent, Ramadan, or Purim. It’s striking that all three of these coincide this year, and I know there are other religious and cultural traditions that have set times for introspection as well. These are seasons that remind us of our earthiness and imperfection. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. This is where you began, this is where you will end.

But the not knowing in the interim what is going on, and why, and when, can make it all a lot worse.

I told all this to Sunnie the other day. She listened politely, chuckled softly, and then crept gently on over to give me a hug.

Oh, sweetie, she crooned, you always think you will feel better if you can name what’s wrong…

Well, don’t you? I snapped, cutting her off.

Of course. Naming things helps a lot. Do it to your heart’s content. But your problem is that you want to go one step further and FIX things.

Well don’t you?!

She paused, and didn’t take my bait.

Some things aren’t fixable. Even if you know what’s wrong.

And then she draped her long arms around my neck and snuggled in until I felt better.

It’s astonishing how much power to ease the ache of uncertainty there is in a heartfelt hug.

************************************************************

I’m going to take a little recess from writing and allow my body and mind to have a bit of a reset. I’ll be back soon. You are welcome to peruse the archive for past reflections until I return. And please feel free to suggest ideas for future musings if you like.