Down You Go!

rolling with the momentum

A couple of weeks ago I had a delightful conversation with a young man who works at Acucare physical therapy clinic. He too lives with a chronic pain dysfunction, although not the same as mine, and over the years we have acknowledged many points in common about what it’s like to live this way. He gave me an image I want to pass on to you.

“Imagine that you’re running a hurdles race,” Bridger began. “There they are looming in front of you, those hurdles, and you know they’re coming at you one by one. That’s what the race is all about. And of course, the goal is to get over each one and keep running. Winning the race would be a bonus. Mostly you just want to get to the end of the track.

”And then, without warning, you are clobbered by the next hurdle and down you go. Your legs are all tangled up and the pain rises and you know you can’t possibly win the race. And here’s where people differ.” He paused. ”Some people decide the race is over and just lie there, flat out on the track. But some roll with the momentum of the fall and rise up and keep running and finish the race.”

He looked at me with the kindness I’ve come to expect from him. “It seems to me what we’re both trying to do is learn to roll with the momentum every time our symptoms flare up and we go down flat. Rolling with the momentum - I think that’s something we can get better at over time.”

Here’s what I’m thinking about this week. A CCD (complex chronic disease) is a mighty high hurdle to navigate. No one can quite figure out what’s going wrong. There is no cure. Sometimes things help, and the next day they don’t. Barring some minor miracle, you will never run a race without hurdles again.

Living the good good life in this situation is about how you respond when a hurdle trips you up.

We’ve heard before that resilience is key to success. And I think that’s true as life is winding down as much as it ever was when we were at our prime. Everything is always changing, everything is cyclical, everything is impermanent. And over and over again, moment after moment, event after event, we each have the choice. We can learn to roll with the momentum of a crash, or we can call it quits. Sometimes it takes a minute lying there on the ground, or an hour, or a year. But rolling on back up is a skill we can practice and improve.

I don’t have a how-to manual to hand to you that you can refer to the next time you’re flat on the ground. We each have to figure this out for ourselves. But there are a lot of us working together while we do so. We’re not alone. And I think Bridger is right. With a little practice, we can get better over time.

Thank you, Bridger, for sharing this helpful imagery with me!

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I want to add a word of thanks here. I started writing The Haven two years ago when I had gained enough energy to do so. It is a way for me to connect with you as I’m still mostly homebound. It’s a way for me to practice the creative art of writing which brings me joy. The fact that you follow along and often comment greatly enlivens me. It’s a way for me to feel closer to all of you. Thank you so much for being on the journey with me!